If you are really lucky, at some point in your life you might meet someone that will change everything. It won’t of course, change you, because people don’t change. But somehow, that person will just rock your world.
I met this guy almost three years ago and at first I was fascinated by him. I fell in love, I was infatuated, I felt lust and I could picture myself making him lots of beautiful babies and living happily ever after. It wasn’t long until all the magic and fantasy that every beginning carries with it fell apart. And in a way so did we. At least that’s what I thought when I started feeling that we were not in love anymore and that there wouldn’t be any babies at all. I was angry with him and with myself for not trying harder and for not being able to deal with the nasty bits. However, this was all stupid because the truth was we were still in love and fighting was actually our cardio. The timing was bad. And by that I don’t mean we were too young, it’s just that those kind of relationships are doomed to die. The living together, forcing ourselves to believe in something our nature is clearly against turns out to be a waste of time and energy. But only by trying one can fail and learn something.
After bags were packed and I took custody of most dvds we’ve bought together (leaving him only with Inglorious Basterds because at that time I couldn’t think of him as anything but a bastard), I was trying to focus on the moving on bit and to convince myself that what I felt was disappointment and pain for losing something more than my status (from in a relationship to nothing) on Facebook. As time moved us on, I was for the first time in my life, growing in love. Everything felt just like after a massive spring cleaning and I was finally able to see things in a post-war (much better) light. We didn’t have the big talk, we haven’t made any promises that we will stay friends or anything like that. It just happened, so naturally that for a while I felt like things haven’t changed at all. As it turns out, once we’ve stopped having the great expectations we’ve finally begun loving each other. Most of the time, that thing we call love, or being in love has nothing to do with the object of our desire. It’s just a need that we project in a person we meet, we are attracted to for more that a night. I am not discovering the fire here, but although we know all this, that doesn’t stop us from acting like fools.
We were splurging on ice cream today (the way you can only splurge with someone that really loves you ) and discussing big concepts such as happiness and success. He said something a tad hollywoodian and I rolled my eyes as I usually do. Then there was the ‘you just don’t support me’ and the second round of rolling eyes as I was struggling to mumble with my mouth full of meringue: ‘I really don’t have to sugar-coat your feelings so get over yourself and give me a break. I am here to stab you in the front, remember?’ And he stood up, smiled and gave me a big hug. I guess it doesn’t get better than this.
They say each person is responsible for their own happiness and I tend to agree. However, when you have such a wonderful friendship with someone you kind of find it easier to work on your happiness. And it’s so much more than the cliche of being able to call them in the middle of the night and knowing they’ll pick up. It is not even the laughter or the tremendous fun you’re having with such a good friend or the so called shared interests and passions. It’s a bond so subtle yet powerful that can’t be explained. It’s feeling comfortable not to the point of leaving the bathroom door open but to finding something you’ve never found before: a home. And for this, I am the luckiest girl in the world.