I was recently sharing with one of my (few) friends my disappointment regarding how people build relationships. I’ve noticed how most of them are getting better and better at networking but have little or no ’skills’ when it comes to friendships. If you meet at parties everyone is smiling and giving you a big hug, exclaiming how happy they are to see you and how absolutely fabulous you look. Blah blah. Then they will ask how’s work and let you know that they’re so busy and things are ‘hectic’ at the moment. You mingle and have the same conversation all over again up until the point where you tell one person you really like that you should get together more often, have coffee or go to the movies. They’ll be so excited about it that you almost believe it will happen. More often than not it doesn’t. My friend’s explanation was brutal but so rational: people want to surround themselves with more powerful people. And this is so much like high school. Stick around the popular guys and the bullies and you’re safe.
I must admit I’ve never been good at this. Maybe because I am very young and I am not (just yet) trying to build a business or a brand of my name. I am very transparent and if I don’t like someone they’ll know. This might not be good for business and will certainly change with time – because to a certain extent we all become what we have to instead of what we really want to- but for now, I can still enjoy my naivety. I know that hard work isn’t enough if you don’t know the right people and have an impressive rolodex but I don’t feel ready to play those games. I need to learn the rules of successful ’social climbing’ and those of putting on a mask while making it seem so natural. 21 might not necessarily be the age of innocence but to me it still is an age when saying ‘ I am so glad to see you’ really means this. And when I don’t have to use ‘daahling’ that much.
Observing people who are by far better at networking than I am, I’ve realized that for some of them this really is their only chance of doing something with their careers or lives (the line between the two is so blurred these days). It’s like with those women who are not very intelligent but smart enough to know they won’t be successful as business women, lawyers or writers but have certain skills when it comes to getting their hands on rich men. Some despise them but they must be given credit for playing the game so well and for at least their determination and knowing what they want.
What I want is to surround myself with intelligent people. And with those who are the best at what they do. You might say this is the same as wanting successful people around me but I prefer to put it this way. Sometimes being successful doesn’t involve the two. In 5 years I won’t probably be so hopeful and naive but I wish I will still be able to make the difference between building a network and building a friendship. They might even invent a new word (I came with one myself) for those people one has to ‘keep close’. Because they are anything but friends.
* the fusion between business partners and friends. After all, they did the same with brunch.