‘Hi, I would like one ticket to We Need To Talk About Kevin at 7.’

‘How many, sorry?’

(smile) ‘ONE”.

It’s been over 4 years since I last went to the movies by myself. I used to do it all the time while in high school and it never bothered me or made me sad. But today, while walking to the cinema, I could feel my heart beating faster and for a minute I thought I might have an anxiety attack. Then I stopped and realised it was all ridiculous: I had more courage when I was younger, where did it all go? I guess it went away together with those silly expectations other people and society in general have from you. You should be a certain way, you should act like this and not like that. Going to the movies alone is for freaks and people are meant to live together. That’s all very nice except from time to time people need not to be with other people.

I was quite a solitary kid who preferred the company of books and movies to that of other kids. I had a few friends while at school but spending all my time with them was too much. Things have changed and I’ve started to seek companionship more often and I am not one hundred percent sure this is because I truly feel this way or because I just know it’s right to do it. Yet I didn’t ask anyone to go see the movie with me tonight. And as I took my seat and looked around, I noticed there were quite a few other people with small popcorn buckets. Two of them right next to me. This might actually be one of the main avantages of going to a movie by yourself: you buy the small bucket so you don’t stuff your face that much and you don’t have to share. Small as it is, it’s all yours.

One other advantage is that you don’t have to negotiate where to seat so I got one of the last rows, just as I like it. But probably the best thing about it is that there’s nothing wrong with going to a movie by yourself and you actually end up enjoying it so much. If there are 2 things I learned today, one of them is that ironically, when we are at our lowest, are sad or heart broken we find the power to be kinder than ever- I smiled at the girl who made me repeat ‘ONE ticket’ and I didn’t feel resentment for one second. The other thing is that I truly feel sorry for those who can’t stand to be alone. For those who constantly need other people and sometimes choose quantity over quality because they are terrified to discover they can’t be happy or enjoy life by themselves. Maybe that’s because when we are alone we are forced to look into our minds and souls and we might not like what we see. And I guess you can’t be lonelier than by not knowing yourself.

Tagged: on Saturday, October 22, 2011 · 1 Comment »